Self-Care Isn't Selfish When Caring for Senior Parents
Look, After 40, Self-Care Isn't a Luxury, It's Survival
Let's face it, being in our 40s and 50s, we are no strangers to juggling responsibilities. Between aging parents, demanding careers, families, and, if we’re lucky enough, a life outside of all of these, it's easy to feel stretched thin. At AANN we want to empower seniors AND their caregivers. This second group is who I primarily focus on in my writing.
Today, we are going to dive into the topic of self-care, its importance, and the fact that it is not selfish. Now, I know what you're thinking. Self-care? Sounds fancy. Sounds very Gen Z. Doesn't that mean bubble baths and mani & pedi sessions? Not exactly. The truth is, for us in the trenches of caregiving, self-care is about survival. It's about keeping ourselves afloat so we can actually be there for everyone that relies on us, including our senior parents.
I’m not going to dive too deep into the individual actions you can take to practice self-care. However, I will be going over the small changes you can make to take care of yourself while you are taking care of everyone else.
Self-care for Caregivers is Different
Don’t let anyone tell you that practicing self-care is the same for everyone. Just “make more time to sleep and exercise and eat and drink properly!” I hate every single person on Pinterest, Instagram, and TikTok that tells us how easy it is to take care of ourselves. Seriously, shut up.
If you’re looking for a definition of self-care, use Google’s AI Overview. I’m here to tell you that self-care for caregivers is very different than that of someone who practices hot yoga at 5am because they think it’s fun. And unless you are a caregiver, you don’t get an opinion on this topic. Self-care for caregivers means navigating through limited time, energy, and money because we are trying to juggle our careers, our own families, maintain relationships, and care for our senior parents. It’s emotionally exhausting and financially draining. With so many of our senior parents unable to afford their own retirements, how are we supposed to take care of them, ourselves, and our families?
Let’s look at the numbers and see how many of our senior parents need assistance. This should give you a first inclination of why self-care is essential for your own health.
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The Numbers Don't Lie: Baby Boomers are the Largest Retirement Generation Ever
The Baby Boomer generation will be the largest population to reach retirement age in history. They will also be the largest
generation to hit retirement age with little to no savings for their actual retirement. Two-thirds don’t have enough saved for retirement. As more of our senior parents reach 65, more of them will need help from us financially and physically. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, by 2040, the population over 65 will be over 80 million, with 70 million being Baby Boomers. That's a lot of senior parents needing a hand, and a whole lot of caregivers needing to practice self-care.
We are not here to discuss whether or not taking care of them is the right thing to do. Many of us are already doing it and need help. Caring for our senior parents can be very fulfilling and many of us feel like it is our responsibility. But let's be honest, it can be emotionally and physically draining. Literally last week I unloaded all of my life issues to a grocery store cashier when she asked how my day was going? Yeah, that was caregiver stress. Followed immediately by days of embarrassment.
Here's the thing, though: when we take care of ourselves, we can actually take better care of our senior parents. It's not selfish, it's smart. We need to be at our best, so we can give our best.
The Sandwich Generation Squeeze: Why Self-Care Feels Impossible
We're not exactly young anymore, are we? Many of us are part of the "sandwich generation," stuck between caring for our aging parents and our own kids. On top of that, there's this whole societal pressure about taking care of our senior parents, growing a career, and being active parents, right? Filial piety and all that. Look, I respect my parents immensely, but sometimes (a lot of the time) the guilt trips are too much.
Then there's the sheer amount of stuff that needs to get done. Doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, managing medications – it's a never-ending to-do list. Finding time and energy for ourselves can feel like a luxury we just don't have.
Making Self-Care Happen
Okay, so how do we actually squeeze self-care into our crazy lives? You stop doing the things that interfere and incorporate the actions that are beneficial. Here are some real-life actions you can do right now.
Set Boundaries (Seriously!)
Setting boundaries is the most important action you can take to improve your health. Talk to your significant other, children, your parents, work, and even friends. You don’t have to be transparent about everything, but be straightforward and don’t falter. It is okay to say no. You are one person and cannot be in multiple places at one time. Set times to eat, sleep, exercise, and do an activity that you enjoy. You need to block out time for basic self-care and the only way to start doing that is to set boundaries. For example, both of my children are in after school sports. My partner and I don’t need to be present at every practice. We decided to split the practices. He takes half of them and I take the other half. This allows us to spend one-on-one time with our other child, spend time doing a hobby, talk with a friend, or whatever it is that we want to do during that time.
Exercise!
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I know. I do. How are you going to exercise when you are literally searching the internet for help on how to make the time to take care of what you have on your plate currently!? It's important to take care of yourself as a caregiver. To be Successful in this, get rid of the
picture in your mind of what exercise is. Exercise for individuals with minimal responsibilities looks like spending five to ten hours at the gym or running every week. In reality, exercise is any movement you are able to fit in during your day.
Taking the stairs at work - Exercise. Walking around while your child is at soccer practice - Exercise. Stretching while you are attending a webinar - Exercise. Do not worry yourself with what anyone else says about how you should be exercising. Starting is what matters. If you are moving tomorrow more than you moved today, that is something. And something is always better than absolutely nothing.
After a few weeks, you are going to want to move more. You are going to start finding times that work better for you. You will get off of work and instead of going straight to the TV or social media you’re going to go for a walk. But don’t start out with lofty goals. Much like diet, if you set high restrictions and lofty goals, you will inevitably fail. The name of the game is SUSTAINABILITY. Find something you enjoy, and just do that.
Food
own happy checks.” whenever we eat something we love.
How to eat healthier while caregiving? Start with one small change. Instead of eggs, bacon, biscuits, and orange juice, have eggs, your favorite fruit (mine is strawberries) and a biscuit. If you are like me, and you survived off of coffee and sheer force of will, incorporate
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We’re not even going to refer to the D word (diet) in here. Our generations grew up with the correlation made in our minds of what eating properly is and what that D word means. In fact, we are and were so wrong. As caregivers, you need to eat the foods that nourish our bodies, minds, and, believe it or not, our souls. As my sibling and I say, “We are cashing our
some peanut butter and apple slices after that cup of coffee or even a banana. I guarantee after just a few days of making slight changes, you are going to notice a major difference.
I can’t believe I even have to say this: you’re not dehydrated. According to the Mayo Clinic, the average, healthy adult only needs about 15.5 cups of fluid per day for men and 11.5 cups for women. You don’t need 5 Stanley cups per day. You need more like 2-3. Simmer down.
Internal Health
We will not discuss any personal stances on health insurance on this platform. We will, however, provide as much information and resources as we can to assist with navigating the healthcare systems and advice on how to provide care for yourself and your loved ones.
With that said, no matter what insurance you have, a yearly visit to a physician for a check-up and bloodwork is covered. Fully covered! Go and get your bloodwork done. This is going to give you a good baseline for what is going on in your body. Did you know that feeling tired, exhausted, brain fog, and sleepy all the time can be attributed to anemia, thyroid issues, or blood sugar problems? It’s not, in fact, normal to feel this tired. After having my bloodwork, I discovered I was severely anemic and my blood sugar is too high. I made minor changes to my food intake and began taking an iron supplement and I haven’t felt this great in years!
You need to make the time to take care of yourself and go to the doctor. It takes up to three hours of your time out of the entire year. You have three hours in a year to take care of yourself. Do it. No excuses. Bring your kids if you have to. Take the bus. Call in a favor from a friend or family member, but make the appointment and go.
Remember, You're Not Selfish
Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury; it's the bare minimum that allows you to keep caring for your senior parents, your partner, your children, and your career. By prioritizing self-care, you'll be a better version of yourself – more patient, more focused, and better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
You’re not alone. Every week, we explore the difficult topics of being caretakers and offer real life advice, from real people experiencing the same challenges you are.
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Now, go take a walk or call a friend – you need it. I could hear you yelling at me….
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